| depending on what it's directed toward, i take criticisms incredibly seriously and personally. i will think about what i did wrong, what i should've done, and why things are the way they are for a good solid couple days. and yes, those thoughts absolutely do not fix anything, its unproductive, and yet another moment to self-loath over (which i have a huge problem with people who do this). but at the very same time i think it's necessary and a stepping stone to workin things out. it gives me a chance to reflect on how much i care about an issue, how serious i am about a situation, and how much it personally means to me. because in the end, if i didn't care i wouldn't struggle so much to try to understand why things aren't working the way i had originally imagined it. i like to think that during personally hard times we're faced with an unexpected three-way road split, in two of which we impulsively, inevitably, and unconciously select; the path of denial (sharp left) and the continuos path of self-loathing (middle). The pro-active path (sharp right), on the other hand, needs to be thought out on a very conscious mind. the path of denial: its hard to admit and take responsibility for things especially when you don't want to believe it. i can definitely admit that ive been in situations where i've avoided things in hopes to never see them appear again, which is no different then to deny reality. by the time i realize what ive done, ive gone so far down the path that i can't really go back to fix my mistakes. i wonder how in the world it took me so long to catch myself. im sure if i really wanted to i could go back and change a lot of what ive decided to avoid but it is so much easier to never enter the path in the first place. the continuous path of self-loathing: i see this no differently then a self sought out path to depression. i believe there are those who truly are depressed and can't control it, but then there are those individuals with reparable guilts who choose to never repair them because they are so busy selfishly loathing over themselves, thus leading themselves to a self-generated path of depression. i believe everyone deserves a period to properly reflect on themselves. and by "properly" i mean to take that reflection and use it as a motivation of some sort. but to never stop loathing over your very own mistake (that could have been fixed) is just plain selfish. it truly shows ones inability to take responsibility for yourself as well as your lack of self control. the pro-active path: this path, in my opinion, can't be selected without a concious mind, a drive, and a goal. it truly takes a genuine effort to turn into this path. and even when we do turn into it i think we have to truly push ourselves and create the road ourselves. it may be the most work but in the end it will always be the most satisfying, up-lifting, and rewarding. this isn't only true for making it out of difficult times but for any active fight for change whether it be in ourself, for others, or the world. i guess my point is that its so incredibly easy to direct ourselves to a self-destructive path if we never take the time to genuinely think things through. i dont believe one bit that an unconcious mind and a string of impulsive behaviors led donald trump to his monopoly, oprah to her fame, obama to his presidency, or mother theresa to her nobel peace prize. its not luck, it is simply good old fashion hard work, and i think much of america has forgotten what that is. |
